My Boy Man is 13!!

Today is Ian's birthday and he is 13. AAAAHHHHHH, STOP IT!! What is going on? What is with the growing up my children seem so intent on doing? It is shocking, as I have not aged a day since he was born, crazy. Here's the story of his birth, because women love to tell birth stories.

A long time ago in a land far, far away, called Dayton, Ohio, there was a very pregnant woman named Jennifer and her long suffering husband, Kenneth. They were very young. They looked 15 & 17, but were in fact 21 & 23. They had worked hard throughout the pregnancy in hopes that they would have the best birth EVER. They had taken the Bradley Method classes in order to learn about having a child without medication. That method is serious, yo. They have a very low failure rate, like 3%. With that 3% it was medically necessary to have intervention. The instructor made sure everyone knew that. You do not want to be that 3%. Kenneth and Jennifer were as ready as is humanly possible for people who have never experienced a birth.

Dec 20, 1995. Jennifer really wanted the baby to come. She didn't want a Christmas baby and her insurance ran out at the end of December. Her official due date was Dec 23th, the 20th would be a great day. She took some castor oil and promptly threw it up. Disgusting going down, super disgusting coming up. Contractions started. Being anxious for the baby to come, they decided to go to the hospital. Bad idea. Jennifer was hooked up to everything and even though the nurse knew that Jennifer didn't want any drugs she kept offering them to her every 1/2 hr. Annoying. After 5 hours of walking trying to get the contractions to do something the young couple decided to go home. Jennifer's calves were so sore. Not fun.

Finally on Dec 23rd Jennifer decided that she would try the castor oil one more time. She took it around 11:00 pm, having eaten dinner at 6, she figured she wouldn't throw up this time. She didn't. She spent about 1/2 on the commode, not the best time of her life. Then she got in the bath. Soon the contractions were coming in earnest. She woke her husband and made him call the doctor. The doctor could hear Jennifer moaning in pain and with all the stats he told them to go to the hospital. Then, said doctor went back to bed, of course. After all this was the couple's first baby so he would see them sometime in the afternoon, right? There had been plenty of snow and ice and the drive to the hospital was not pleasant. It seemed to take forever even though the hospital was only 5 min away. There were so many icy ruts in the road and poor Jennifer felt every one of them.

They made it to the hospital and up to their room around 2 am. Jennifer was again hooked up to everything. Unluckily for her she was the only one in labor that night so all the bored nurses were in her room. This being Jennifer's first time with body ripping open pain, she was pretty serious, just like the Bradley Method. The noise from the uninvited nurses was driving her crazy and the only person she could take it out on was the kind, quiet man watching her suffer. "Don't touch me!!," she would growl at him. Poor Kenneth was only trying to help. Jennifer was only trying to survive. Very soon, in birthing time, Jennifer was feeling pushy. Not pushy as in excessively or unpleasantly self-assertive or ambitious, but as in she needed to push that baby out. She told the nurses that she wanted to push. Because Jennifer hadn't even been there two hours they told her that she probably wasn't ready for that. They checked her and low and behold she was a 10 with a tiny lip. Apparently that means she was really good looking, but her lip was small. They told her not to push, as there was no doctor there. They called the doctor, who lived 20 min away and told him to come. He must have driven very fast. Do you know what it feels like to not push when every fiber of your being is screaming, "PUSH!"? Not great. Well, Jennifer was pushing a little, because it hurt so freakin' bad not to push. The doctor finally walked in, he was frantically gowning up and gloving up. He told Jennifer that she could push. She pushed about 2 times and the baby was born along with a huge gush of water all over the tardy doctor's shoes. He didn't have time to put on booties. Maybe that will teach you to next time be more prepared, Doctor.

Dec 24, 1995, 4:17 am. Cute baby with a bruised face. So sad about the bruised face, but very happy about the cute baby. He weighed in at 9lb 6oz. Kenneth and Jennifer were both feeling much better now. They were able to hold their baby, 9lb 6oz feels much better outside than inside. Jennifer tried to feed the little nuzzler, but she was exhausted and as it turned out dehydrated. When the nurse came in to help her to the bathroom for the first time she passed out on the floor. Imagine young Kenneth holding their newborn son watching his wife twitch on the floor. It wasn't fun for him. Jennifer was unconscious so she didn't mind. She was fine though and the young family was able to go home on Christmas day, with the baby in a giant Christmas stocking. Merry Christmas to them.

Back to the present. Ian is an amazing kid. He is funny, willing, super smart, kind, responsible and worthy. I love watching him pass the sacrament each week. I love watching him teach his younger brothers and playing with them. He loves to tease them as well. He is really good at it. He's a great babysitter. He is so willing to help when asked. He sometimes asks why he is asked to do everything. I tell him because he's my favorite... oldest child. Which is true. He is my favorite boy named Ian, my favorite 13 yr old, my favorite child born in Dec., and my favorite oldest child of all time. I am crazy in love with him. He has had some rough moments being the oldest, but he has done so well. I'm so pleased with the young man he is and the man he is becoming. Happy birthday, Ian!